The Handyman's Anthem

Sung to the tune of our beloved National Anthem

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

==========   Handyman's Version ==========  

Oh, say can you see by the buzz of fluorescent light

What so proudly we repaired is now smoking and steaming.

Whose shoddy work the duct tape now holds tight,

O'er the rafters we watched as the bent frame started leaning

and the wife's eyes they do glare, with bursting pipes everywhere

Gave proof through the night that our house was still there

Oh say does that renovation cause the flooring to wave,

O'er landlords advice, "Time to move into a cave".